Why Does The Human Being Love Each Other So Little?
The human being is a social entity by nature, and it is for a very simple and purely logical reason: millions of years ago, we needed others to survive. Although it is true that not so much anymore, when we are born, still today, that need for care and attention has not changed much.
Children need to feel safe and that security can come from the hand of our parents or from another figure with whom we form a secure attachment. In any case, this stability or confidence will make the child in the future an emotionally strong adult, self-confident and with healthy self-esteem.
However, we can easily see that there are few people with these characteristics. Most people are not self- confident, not fully confident in their abilities, and unrealistic when it comes to self-assessment.
Why is it so difficult to find a human being who loves each other unconditionally? It seems that the lack of love, care, consideration or respect in childhood could be the origin of the lack of self-esteem. Also at the origin could be the overprotection or the lack of concrete limits, as well as the cultural education received.
Now, your adult still has time to heal that child with deficiencies and help him to love himself, regardless of what others do.
The missing piece of the puzzle for this human being
You may have felt at times that you are always missing something. You can be physically attractive, succeed professionally, have a great family, and still notice that something is wrong. Most likely it is your own love.
So this human being continues looking for the piece and does not realize that the one that really fits, is the piece that he himself can make with his love, his acceptance and his embrace.
We have already introduced the reasons why we do not have this piece above: education, culture, self-demands … The education that we receive systematically censors any act of love towards ourselves. They call it “selfishness.” In this sense, the child gets used to not knowing how to receive compliments, to not speaking well of himself, to saying yes to everything when he really wanted to say no and a long etc.
They have always taught us that others have to be ahead of us and this is false. We can never be good with others if we have not satisfied our own needs before, if we do not give ourselves a high place on our scale of priorities.
This ” selfishness” supposedly translates into being a bad person, and therefore in being rejected by others. As we do not want this to happen, we spend our energies in order to satisfy others and consequently we put ourselves aside. That is why we notice that the outside pieces do not fit completely and that we feel empty : we have abandoned ourselves and abandonment, precisely, does not show love for ourselves.
How to start loving myself?
To gain self-esteem, we must take actions aimed at treating ourselves well. One exercise we can start with is by writing a love letter to ourselves. Far from being vain, we must be realistic. We simply love each other and we are going to show it to ourselves, just like we show it to other people.
You will be surprised how complicated exercise is, since as we have said before, we are not used to praising ourselves. Immediately your inner imp will jump to tell you that you are selfish, egotistical, vain and a thousand other things. Don’t listen to him and he still loves you.
On the other hand, it ‘s time for you to start evaluating yourself realistically. Know yourself and be clear with yourself: you know your virtues and your limitations. Stick to them and undertake what you know is within your capabilities and possibilities. Do not think that you cannot and that it will not work out, when deep down you know that it is.
Finally, take an action day by day that brings you closer to your objectives and goals. If you get it, reward yourself and congratulate yourself for it. This will increase your self-esteem, as you will be telling yourself that “you can.” Of course, forget about perfectionism and act anyway knowing that it does not exist.
You will notice how that piece fits and you will feel that you are no longer so dependent on the outside nor do you absolutely need the love and acceptance of others, because with yours you already feel complete.
