When You Can’t Say What You Think To Your Family

Not being able to comment. Fear of expressing what one feels out loud for fear of being judged. Choose silence so as not to provoke problems or arguments. When you can’t say what you think to your family and you choose to shut up every other day, you end up accumulating high frustration. These are situations of high wear and tear that more than one person will have experienced in their own skin.

Why happens? Is it indecision, fear, shyness perhaps? In reality, when a person cannot express opinions, thoughts and feelings to their family, it is because since childhood they have vetoed that opportunity. There are many fathers who sanction comments, there are many mothers who criticize certain ideas, behaviors and reasoning.

Little by little, the child, the adolescent or the young adult ends up showing a reactive or rebellious behavior (as a defense before that authority) or else they choose silence, not speaking so as not to be punished or judged. Few things are as necessary, basic and healthy as promoting a free and trusting dialogue between children and parents to strengthen ties and educate in respect, in integrity.

What to do when you can’t say what you think to your family?

Good communication is the glue that holds families together. The lack of it strains and distorts them. The philosopher and psychologist Paul Watzlawick already explained to us in his work of the 1960s Pragmatics of communication that problematic communicative dynamics abound and that these almost always have their origin in the way in which we have been educated.

There are children used to not being listened to. This causes them to end up internalizing all feelings until they interpret or take for granted that their needs and opinions are not important. On the other hand, families whose function is not to speak of emotions, concerns or opinions are also common. Everyone keeps their things to themselves and no one dares to expose those more personal or intimate aspects.

On the other hand, there are undoubtedly many parents who veto and sanction. They are figures who seek to model their children in the image of their parents and this happens by instilling fixed values ​​and ideas. Own ideas are not allowed. They are not tolerated having a voice and less of their own opinion, any comment is ridiculed and all passion and hobby of one is belittled.

What to do when you can’t say what you think to your family? How to act when you are already an adult and it is impossible for you to be honest with them?

Be careful, lack of assertive communication has consequences

Words are more than concrete information, they are symbolic representations of how we feel, what we think, and what we are experiencing. We need to communicate to express to others what we need. And this is essential in a family context.

From a psychological point of view, we know how assertive communication benefits for humans alleviates the worry, stress, etc. If a person cannot and has never been able to express themselves openly and sincerely with their loved ones, it is very common for them to show somatic problems at some point (stomach pain, headaches, etc.). All this takes a serious toll.

Someone has to break the pattern: communicate to heal

The University of Tennessee carried out a research work with which to delve into precisely those communicative patterns in a family. Something that could be seen is that many times silencing, vetoing or not talking about what they feel or need appears already in the generation of grandparents. That is to say, many times, this poor communication pattern is passed from parents to children.

So when you can’t say what you think to your family, maybe it’s time to break that dysfunctional dynamic. Because communicating with sincerity and in an assertive way is being able to heal, being able to leave out what is inside to show who we are and what we want.

It is possible that taking the first step is complicated, especially when we have been silent for half our lives so as not to hurt, saving words so as not to be judged. However, it is necessary to break that dynamic for your own well-being.

When you can’t say what you think to your family, you have to learn to communicate with courage

When you can’t say what you think to your family, what you fear is their reactions. You are annoyed by the criticism you may receive and you may even be afraid to disappoint them. However, reaching adulthood with this concern can be highly counterproductive.

Because, in reality, the lack of honest communication basically causes our family not to know who we are and what we want from life. Any decision will be misunderstood. It is necessary that we take the step and begin to communicate with them in an assertive and sincere way.

How? These would be some simple guidelines:

• The first step is to proceed to emotional control. We will feel fear, insecurity and even a lot of frustration accumulated over time. It is essential that we manage these states to communicate calmly and serenity.
• It is important that we make use of the personal pronoun “I” – > I think what, I feel what, what I need is, what I am going to do now is … Expressing ourselves in this way will give us security.
• We must be aware that it is very possible that this new way of communicating will take you by surprise. However, let’s be clear about one aspect: to communicate is to reflect what one is. Not being able to do it is living in repression and this is not psychologically healthy.

To conclude, the family should be that setting of harmony in which we can be ourselves and feel validated at every moment. When this does not happen and there is only silence and suffering, it will be necessary to make a decision aimed at promoting our well-being.