When I Get Angry, I Can’t Control Myself: What Happens To Me?

And you, do you have trouble controlling your anger when you get angry? Do you tend to blurt out the first thing that comes to your mind and then regret it? Are you losing your nerves? Why is this happening? What is behind that anger that is so difficult for us to manage?

In this article we will investigate the possible causes behind this loss of control. We anticipate that all this has to do, to a large extent, with poor self-control and a low tolerance for frustration. However, they are not the only causes; Underneath all this is also hidden, many times, a layer of sadness that we do not know how to face, as well as other possible feelings and emotions.

Before we get to these causes, we will give you some tricks to learn how to manage that anger in a healthy way. And is that self-control is a skill that can be trained! Find out how.

When I get angry, I cannot control myself: what happens to me?

It happens to many people frequently, or has it ever happened to them … Get angry and lose control, not being able to control yourself. Feeling that anger overwhelms us. But why does it happen? What exactly is failing? What is behind uncontrolled anger?

To understand it, we must resort to the concept of “self-control.” Later, we will also look at other factors that facilitate the loss of self-control. Circumstances that increase the likelihood that we will become impulsive.

The importance of self-control

Self-control is defined as an ability to master one’s emotions, behaviors, thoughts, and desires. It also includes the ability to control and manage our own body.

In a way, self-control is part of emotional intelligence, and that is why it is so important to work with children from a very young age. Thanks to self-control, you can learn to manage anger and other basic emotions.

As we can see, it is an ability to manage and control not only how we behave, but also how we think and how we react to emotions. Many times, emotions overwhelm us, but for this reason we must not allow ourselves to lose control of the situation. Self-control, like many other skills, is also trained, that is, it can be improved with time, perseverance and effort.

How to work on self-control?

In this way, self-control will allow us to manage those moments of rage or anger in which we start to scream or maintain behaviors that we do not really want to have. But, how to work it? We leave you some key ideas for this:

• First, identify precisely what you want to control. Is to go to? Is it rage? Is it frustration?
• Investigate the causes of that anger, of that anger. Is it really anger or is it masking other emotions? (For example, sadness).
• Look for the point of “no return”; It is about that moment in which we know that we will no longer calm down, in which we will lose control and “explode”. Identify it and look for a word or a gesture to emit, to stop it in time.
• Practice breathing; just when you identify that point of no return, and before reaching it, practice some breathing exercises. Close your eyes, put your hand on your belly and feel how the air enters and leaves your body.
• Look for alternative behaviors to anger to avoid being dominated by anger; It can be the previous breathing exercises or other behaviors / actions: putting on music, a relaxing bath, painting or drawing, writing, changing the environment …

I get angry and lose control: what is wrong with me?

We have seen some ideas to work on self-control and begin to deal with anger in a healthy way; However, as well as applying these techniques, it will also be essential to understand what is happening to us. Why do we act like this when we get angry? At this point, you may have sensed one of those possible causes … In effect, having poor self-control is the main cause that leads us to act like this, losing our roles and control of the situation, when anger consumes us.

On the other hand, a low tolerance for frustration could also be behind these behaviors that we like to emit. Being impulsive and temperamental people could also contribute to these types of situations.

The good news is that all of these circumstances can be worked on in therapy. Delving more deeply into the causes of this “loss of control” when we get angry will allow us, in addition to knowing ourselves, to seek strategies to enhance our self-control and, by extension, improve our well-being.

Behind the anger: the wound

Many times, after an attack of anger or anger, a large wound is actually hidden that has been discovered, or that someone has brushed almost accidentally. And it is that rage, anger, anger, are emotions that, often, hide others, such as sadness or disappointment. Not knowing how to face or manage that sadness (or being unable to accept it), we resort to something more visceral, to something that makes us move away, momentarily, from that uncomfortable feeling: anger.

And what happens when anger is not well managed either? That we explode. Thus, if you frequently lose control – for example, you pronounce phrases that you soon regret – we encourage you to ask for help.

Understanding emotions, their reason for being, will allow us to know ourselves and improve every day as the imperfect people that we are; And it is that imperfection makes us human! Let’s learn to live with her, let’s learn from her to improve … let’s not take her away from us.