Searching For Love Consists Of Finding Yourself
Many women long for love in their lives, but they ignore that finding love comes from loving themselves first. Searching for love implies finding yourself first. A good part of the book Hunger for Love , by Ana Moreno (Obelisco, 2016) revolves around this idea , and we will talk about this and some related ideas in the following lines.
From woman to woman I ask you: why do you need to have a partner: to complete a part that you feel you are missing, to fill an inner emptiness, because you are afraid of being alone? Why alone do you feel helpless? If you have not discovered it, I am going to tell you one thing: having a partner will not solve any of these problems, that if it does not make them worse.
Raising such a relationship, from co-dependency, only leads to sentimental failure. Only from a conscious relationship is it possible to have a healthy life as a couple.
True love is born within you
Women need to feel loved. But true love is born within ourselves.
If you do not feel that you are love, you will believe that you need another to complete you, but in that need to complete yourself you will try to possess the other, because without him you feel that you are nothing. But this is a selfish way of acting. And love and selfishness are not compatible concepts.
Something even more important is to keep in mind that, in the same way that you cannot attract love if you do not have love, what you will attract is the same thing that you have to offer. If you strive to appear what you are not you will not find an authentic person.
It is never too late to discover yourself
Whether you have not found a partner yet, or if you are not satisfied with the relationship you have, it is never too late to find yourself, to start cultivating it from the inside, instead of looking for love. For Ana Moreno it is as simple as acting with love, honesty and appreciation, sharing yourself with others, giving yourself to others.
The great thing about this way of understanding love is that you do not need anyone to feel complete, you do not depend on looking for love, on how others see you or on how they react based on their needs and dependencies. All this implies carrying out an important exercise in self-esteem, self-improvement and the search for one’s own values, because you can only love yourself when you know who you are.
You don’t need anyone to complete you
You are enough, you don’t need anyone to complete you. Your partner can help you to be better than you are, to bring out the best in you. Together you can start a life project in common, you can grow together. But if you depend on your partner and / or your partner depends on you, you are condemned to drag each other down.
Knowing enough to create love in your life will prevent you from spending effort on actions as useless as living trying to please others or acting on the wishes and aspirations of others. Acting trying to be someone else does not make you or the other person happy, even if it seems like it. Think that if your priority is to make the other person happy, without thinking about your true needs, you will see that in the end, you feel even more empty and incomplete.
