Overcoming The Challenges Of Communicating With Your Children

Parents are supposed to be the children’s primary guides and counselors. But it is difficult to orient them when we do not know what is happening to them. Communication with your children is vital, as it strengthens your bond and builds the trust necessary to adequately accompany them on the path of their life. However, it is not always easy to achieve an honest and constructive exchange of views.

The daily rush, underestimating the problems of the little ones, or the irresistible tendency to tell them what to do are some of the main obstacles that stand between us and our offspring. However, with patience, awareness and dedication we can establish a positive communication channel with them. 

What factors make it difficult to communicate with your children?

The lack of time

Do you feel that your little one does not tell you what happens in their day to day? You may not find the right time. Many times when children try to make us participate in their daily routine, we do not express enough interest. Well, generally, we are immersed in obligations and daily tasks that cannot wait. However, our attitude can make the child think that his parents are so busy that he should not bother them with his problems.

For this reason, it is important that we make an effort to create that safe space for communication. We will not always be able to stop everything we are doing to listen to the infant, but we must make sure that we convey that we truly care what he has to say. And set a time each day to share a talk.

It can be during lunchtime. Or maybe you prefer to spend a few minutes before bed to talk with your little one about his life, his anecdotes and concerns. Just make sure that, every day, it knows that it has a space in which your five senses will be in it. 

Listen and validate in communication with your children

When a child begins to tell us something, it is very common that two automatic reactions arise in us. On the one hand, downplaying your problem; and, on the other hand, interrupt and give an opinion before the end. When we talk with our child it is important that we are able to listen, actively and to the end.

Do not interrupt his speech, even if it gets stuck and it seems that it will never finish a simple sentence. Allow yourself to express yourself, you are learning. When finished, ask open questions to learn more about the topic and show your interest.

And what to do if your child reveals some disturbing point of view or confesses that he has done something that you did not know? Try to control your initial reaction. You will surely feel the urge to blame him for his misbehavior, but if you respond in an exaggerated way, you could be closing the door for future conversations. Remember that the natural instinct of children is to please their parents, so if they think they are going to anger you, they will most likely keep quiet.

So, listen first and try to put yourself in their shoes. Later you can calmly explain the inappropriateness of his actions. But try to make your initial reaction one of acceptance and unconditional acceptance, that your child perceives you as a safe place.

I’ll tell you what to do …

When your child comes to you with a problem, you may be tempted to tell him what his fault was and what he needs to do to fix it. However, this behavior has little educational value. Thus the child does not develop his critical capacity or his problem-solving skills. He only understands that you have the answers and he does not, how does that strengthen his self-esteem?

Instead, try talking to him and help him think about what might have caused the problem, and what some solutions might be. So the child will be part of the resolution process. You will develop important skills and improve your self-image and self-confidence, as you will see that he is capable of finding solutions.

You may think that your child is still young for big and deep conversations. And that it is useless to carry out these dialogues. However , you will be helping him enormously in his emotional development and you will be forging a bond of trust that will be very beneficial as he grows.