How To Relate To Negative Thoughts?

The way we relate to negative thoughts influences how we perceive and interpret what is happening around us. In turn, it influences how we behave in certain situations. For example, if I continually think that the presentation of a work is going to go wrong, possibly that insecurity that I generate causes me not to turn out as well as I expected.

Aaron Temkin Beck, an American psychiatrist, affirms that negative thoughts sabotage the best of ourselves and, if we do not know how to control them, they end up creating a situation of insecurity, anxiety and anger that, in turn, generate new automatic negative thoughts. A vicious cycle from which it is not easy to get out, in which negative thoughts are repeated over and over again.

In a way, they become a snowball that is rolling more and more, getting bigger and losing control as it passes. They become ruminant, draining our energy. How can we stop them?

Relating to negative thoughts, a form of communication

Communication with us or, in other words, internal language (commonly referred to as thinking) is nothing more than a conversation that we have with our being, with ourselves. And that conversation that we have influences the way we relate to the world around us, at the same time that it speaks, and a lot, about how we treat ourselves.

Therefore, the language that we have with ourselves (thoughts) is a form of communication, in the same way as starting a conversation with someone.

In the inner language there is a wide range of thoughts, both positive and negative. Our mind focuses more on those we value more and those we spend more time on. Thus, the negative type can be gaining ground more and more, like passengers who settle in our mind and do not let other types of thoughts flow.

Let us bear in mind that abusing oneself has the same effect as if we were abused by a close person. For example, if a family member continually tells us that we are clumsy, useless and that we do not know how to do anything well …, how would you feel?

It should be noted that the feeling of discomfort that a person generates negative comments can be equivalent to when those comments are said to you. They thus become ruminative and obsessive thoughts that drain our energy.

How to manage negative thoughts?

The University of Rhode Island, in the journal  Pshychology and Aging , conducted research to find out how negative thinking affects each age cohort.

The results showed that age does not matter, since these types of thoughts generate anguish and are often the trigger for many diseases, both for the young and for the elderly.

The discomfort and frustration generated by the negative emotions produced by this pattern of thoughts produce that, if they last a long time, we end up leaving the door open to depression and anxiety.

Therefore, it is essential to learn to manage them. Here are some ways to learn how to combat negative thoughts.

Identify your negative thoughts

Sometimes, perhaps we are not aware that the ideas we have in our head and everything that they condition us. Sometimes we even think they are true and we believe them, when the reality is very different.

Thus, to make a more suitable identification, you can try to take note of your most recurrent negative thoughts. What do you say to yourself, how do you say it to yourself and in what situations? Writing them down can help you analyze them better later.

Later, reflect on the path of these thoughts in terms of their origin, recurrence and consequences just as an outside observer would . If a friend told you that they have these negative thoughts, what would you say? Using another point of reference can help us see things from another point of view.

Also, just as it is important to identify negative thoughts, so is accepting them. Accept that such thoughts are necessary in certain circumstances. Let’s not forget that at certain times, continually trying to block, avoid and eliminate them produces feedback.

Reframe your thoughts

After identifying them, you can try turning those thoughts around to slowly begin to introduce more realistic and positive thoughts. To do this, ask yourself:

• What are other options for interpreting those thoughts?
• Could there be other more real, logical and positive interpretations? It may help you to rephrase them to make a list.

After questioning each negative thought, it is time to introduce other alternative thoughts, equally applicable to the situation, but more positive, realistic and adaptive. The objective is not to eliminate negative thoughts, but to give them another focus and learn to question them so that they lose ground in our minds.

Boost your self-esteem

Sometimes low self-esteem triggers negative thoughts resulting from insecurity and a low sense of self-efficacy. So there are constant doubts about oneself and what we do, which is a magnet for thoughts of this type.

A starting point can also be to ask ourselves how our concept of ourselves (self-concept) is found and if it influences the type of thoughts we experience.