Emotional Tourism, Navigating Without A Compass In Love

When we have a very painful breakup or have had several unsuccessful relationships, we may find ourselves lost. Something like a deserted ship in the middle of the ocean, adrift and uncontrolled. For many people, the alternative to this situation is emotional tourism. A flight forward, without healing, or prior scarring.

Separating from the person with whom you have gone through different stages of life means suffering from physical but also emotional distance. And it is precisely the latter that is the most difficult to heal because we usually resist it.

Emotional tourism, an incomplete grieving process

After a breakup, many people go through a long grieving process  in which little by little, they make contact with reality: the loss of a life partner. At first they refuse to accept it. Later, hopelessness visits them and they may even experience depressive and anxiety symptoms.

The next phase of the process is acceptance. The return to the real world and the assumption that illusions were mere utopias. It is time to rebuild and meet new people. Finally, if all goes well, the feeling of improvement is experienced. At last you are able to analyze the previous relationship objectively and learn from past mistakes.

Emotional tourism arises in those people who do not complete this grieving process out of  fear or as a defense mechanism. They get stuck in one of the stages and deny themselves the opportunity to maintain positive relationships in the future. They choose to be desensitized and to maintain interpersonal ties with others as a tourist hobby.

The aimless sailors

Emotional tourists jump from person to person, from one place to another, from one port to the next. Without a fixed course. They just get carried away. They explore new sensations and define themselves as true adventurers. They seek pleasure, joy and euphoria. They do not feel the need to compromise or take responsibility for the people with whom they associate.

Now, these people should not be confused with those who choose not to have a partner because they prefer to be single. Emotional tourism is not the result of choosing to be single, but rather a behavior derived from emotional self-sabotage.

They refuse the lasting bond

Emotional tourism unconsciously plays against the wishes of the person. Thus, although these sailors want to start a stable relationship with a new partner, they cannot do so because they have not yet faced the pain of their previous breakup.

They are anchored in the past, even if they pretend not to. Therefore, they prefer to go from island to island, without stopping to reflect on any shore. In this way, if they find their longed-for “paradise”, they do not allow love to rule their hearts again. They let that person escape and continue to travel the world.

They always leave the door open

If you come across them, they will surely encourage you to follow their philosophy. ” It is better to regret what is done than what is not done .” “ Take a chance. If not, you don’t know what could have happened ”.

Emotional tourists often prefer “see you later” to goodbye. They suggest that they can return at any time. But also that they are never going to do it.

Histrionic intermittence

It is a love at times. Today yes and tomorrow no. The emotional tourist comes and goes. His day to day is governed by instability, debauchery and selfishness. Those who are on the other side of the port end up not expecting anything from him.

This behavior can be very dangerous psychologically. It is a way of living day to day that can become addictive and generate dependency. And more, if emotional tourism is assumed as a lifestyle. Being on a constant tightrope generates insecurity that can be pathological.

Extroversion exacerbated

Emotional tourists enjoy making new friends and maintaining casual relationships as much as letting go or breaking up. It makes them desperate and motivates them in equal measure. Rarely do their relationships end up being productive, because they prefer to enjoy the journey. Your life is based on the here and now.

If it is temporary, it serves as learning

However, sometimes it is convenient to get out of the box and discover the world. Many people, after emerging from a particularly damaging and long-lasting love situation, decide to travel to new places.

If they begin their emotional tourism route and are aware that they are doing it to shake off their pain, then they will be able to navigate, lose themselves, and find themselves again without causing harm to the people around them. This tour, especially for the most emotional people, usually serves as a great learning experience, because it becomes a well-conducted and enriching experience.

How to help the emotional tourist

The most normal thing is that these people are not aware of the emotional drain they are suffering. If they decide to listen to you, it is convenient that you advise them to go to a psychologist or psychotherapist. Only a couples specialist can help you make the necessary adjustments to normalize your life.

In these cases, it is not about changing convictions or values, but about helping to redirect the meaning of life and break the shell built as a protection mechanism for reciprocated affection.