Do You Feel Bad About Having The Initiative In Your Relationships?

Initiating in relationships is not a bad thing. However, if these types of situations cause discomfort or some kind of discomfort, it is necessary to address it, since we may be taking 100% responsibility and preventing other people from doing their part.

It may also happen that whoever we demand initiative from is comfortable in a passive role or perhaps their priorities are different. Be that as it may, the important thing is to analyze how we feel in each of the relationships in which we are involved. In this way, it will be easier to identify with whom we share the most connection and feel more comfortable and with whom we have the most difficulties when taking the initiative. Let’s go deeper. 

the force of the contum

The force of habit is very powerful, Darwin already said. It makes us settle into a situation until someone gets fed up and jumps. This can trigger responses of rejection and bewilderment, since the person who does not “jump” is usually the one who never takes the initiative in the relationship. However, action can be taken to resolve this.

• Communicate what is happening : always with respect and being clear. We have to let the other know how we feel about the situation and that we want a change.
• Allow the other person to express themselves : knowing what the other thinks and feels is also important. Also, this will allow an exchange of views that can lead us to the next point.
• Shuffle options : we have to find an option that suits us. So we can take time to think about some alternatives or, if we have time, talk and exchange possible options at the moment.

The important thing is not to make a radical change, but to start with small modifications. For example, the person who never takes the initiative may start proposing a weekend plan once a month. Later, this will increase. What we have to look at is whether he is doing his part and whether he takes the agreement into action.

The thwarted change

If the other person continues to maintain a passive attitude, that may be their way of being. Therefore, no matter how much you tell us that it is going to change and that “yes, next time I will propose it or I will be more active” this will not end up happening.

In these cases, it is important to understand that this person is not what we expect and that even if they try to content us by saying that they are going to do their best to change, it will not be so easy.

The article Integrative behavioral therapy for couples: general description of a model with emphasis on emotional acceptance explains very well this type of situation, which is very common in couple relationships. In fact, if having the initiative is something important to us, and this situation is going to make us angry or constantly reproach the other person for what they are not doing, it is essential to reflect on the relationship we have and the values ​​that are important to us.

The interested call

Another important aspect that we must not overlook and on which we must reflect is why we maintain those relationships in which having the initiative is not abundant. For example, although we have proposed to meet four times, the fifth has been that person. Why has this situation occurred?

In the event that this contact, most of the time, has to do with, for example, going to look for a degree at the University, doing a business at the bank or going to a certain place where you do not want to go alone, we must question if that call or message is not just for simple interest. Isn’t it true that we suggest having a simple coffee, meeting to go to the movies or taking a walk to talk? Perhaps it is time to “clean up” our relationships.

Many times having the initiative is something that happens in some areas, but not in others. Some people do not even have the initiative in any area of ​​their life. If this frustrates you, is exhausting you or causes you some discomfort, we encourage you to read this article again and reflect on it.

Also, do not hesitate to go to a professional who will give you the appropriate tools to manage this situation in the best way for you.