Couple Crisis Or Final Breakup?

A relationship crisis usually represents a hard time. On the other hand, not all couple crises lead to a breakup. In addition, if it is a couple that has gone through several crises, it can be difficult to know if the couple is going through a new moment of uncertainty / confrontation or it has already been definitively broken and only the ashes remain.

Likewise, there are different types of couple crisis and also different types of breakups, and the main difference between a crisis and a breakup is that the latter constitutes a full stop. But before continuing, let’s finish rounding the definition.

When we speak of a relationship crisis, we refer to a situation of high tension, in which there is usually a temporary distancing, while if we speak of a breakup, we would be facing a situation of separation in which people break the ties that unite them.

So there are differences between the two situations. The complicated thing is that sometimes the differences only materialize when time passes and the changes begin to be more noticeable in one direction or another. On the other hand, not knowing whether or not a crisis will end in rupture generates potentially anxious / distressing uncertainty. Thus, in this article we will talk about how to know if you are in a relationship crisis or a definitive breakup.

Different types of relationship crisis

Problems are often the most common precipitators of relationship crises. They can also occur after  an infidelity, the birth of a child or a major loss. All these reasons give rise to different couple crises, which can be more or less long.

Among the most difficult relationship crises to overcome, we find those that have started / materialized with an infidelity, since with it what is usually broken is trust and complicity with the other. The victim feels cheated, betrayed, and it is also easy for their self-esteem to decrease and for the locus of control to become more external.

On the other hand, couple crises that are due to the evolution of the relationship are the ones that get along the best and the least difficult to overcome. For example, we refer to crises that are simply due to the passage of time and the natural change in the relationship, such as the beginning of coexistence or the birth of a child. In these cases, the bond, the union, has not been attacked.

Couple crisis versus final breakup

The antecedents and the history of the couple say a lot about whether we are in a situation of crisis or of rupture. If it is a couple that has gone through many crises, there may be such significant wear and tear in the relationship that it leads to a definitive breakup.

Contrary to what is usually believed and thought that “this is just one more crisis”, the existence of a history of temporary separations or ruptures entails an exhaustion that produces the sensation in the couple of living in a kind of eternal return of suffering . In other words, repeated crises generate learned helplessness and this can motivate the rupture whether it is definitive because one or both of them begin to think that  “nothing can be fixed anymore”.

The reason for the separation is also a key aspect. The crises that are a consequence of an infidelity usually end in breakups: the cheating is devastating for the trust of the couple and the plan for the future together. An infidelity gives rise to a relationship crisis, which if not managed correctly and in a suitable time, can end in a definitive breakup. The ability to forgive and rebuild may have been exhausted.

Likewise, if the reason for the crisis is problems in coexistence or chores at home, it is more likely that the crisis will not end up breaking the couple. However, if we are facing repeated crisis as a couple due to coexistence problems, we can also be facing a situation of great emotional wear and tear that turns the crisis into a definitive breakup.

The four horsemen of the apocalypse in relationships

Furthermore, when there are important signs of incompatibility in the couple, we can think that we are facing a definitive breakup. In this case, we are referring to the “four horsemen of the apocalypse” that Dr. John Gottman described after years of research on dating relationships. These four signs are usually closely associated with definitive separations and we will explain them to you below.

The four most important signs that point to a definitive break are: destructive criticism (both making and receiving it), defensive attitude, contempt for the other and evasive attitude. In this way, when observed in the relationship crisis, the presence of any of these attitudes or communication patterns informs us that we are going through a delicate moment, so that a break may occur.

If you want to know a little more about these “four horsemen of the apocalypse”, you can consult the following article: