Can’t Or Won’t? (Emotional Responsibility)

“At the moment it is impossible for me to make a decision. I can’t “. It is possible that on more than one occasion, someone close to you has said these same words to you. Or even more, you may even have expressed it yourself by feeling that well-known wall inside us that prevents us from deciding, to move forward. Make the change.

“I don’t know if I should leave my partner.” “Maybe I should change some things in my life, but now I can’t.” “I know I should talk to this person and tell him everything I feel, but I can’t. I don’t dare. ” What’s behind all these common indecisions? Our day to day lives in endless insecurities that, to a greater or lesser extent, make our life more or less easy.

Today we want to talk to you about this aspect. About this personal and emotional responsibility that we should all develop more adequately. Sometimes it is not easy, but with some effort and courage we can achieve it, being then more consistent with our own decisions.

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN NOT BEING ABLE AND NOT WILLING

Surely you know more than one person who almost every day, has that expression in his mouth: “I can not.” You ask her out, talk to her about her problems and, when you propose that maybe it would be time to make a change in her life, the “I can’t” emerges once again.

What does it basically mean to express “I can’t”? If I say those two words I release my own responsibility. It is a way of limiting ourselves. With our own voice we put immense walls on this entire battlefield that is life . And we surrender.

If I do not control the situation, I am no longer responsible for everything that surrounds me. A “I can not” is to leave the course of our ship, our circumstances and problems in the hands of anyone. And that is truly terrifying. Let’s take a simple example that may be familiar to you: “I can’t leave my partner, I know I don’t love him / her anymore, but it’s been too many years with him / her and I can’t do something like that to him.”

Where then is our self-esteem, our coherence and integrity? If we are not consistent with our feelings and emotions, we lose a large part of who we are. And in time, such immense frustration will appear that we will be seriously hurt. Very empty. Also do not overlook that in turn, you may be hurting other people.

EMOTIONAL RESPONSIBILITY

Now let’s put a new assumption. What would happen if instead of saying “I can’t” I replace it with “I DON’T want or I WANT” ? In this case we are already recognizing a choice. There is firmness and determination. There is courage and a willingness to change. This is what is known as “emotional responsibility.” It is that healthy exercise in which the person is consistent with what he feels and does. We take responsibility for our feelings and act consistently without hurting anyone, least of all ourselves.

Emotional responsibility is an essential pillar of self-esteem and happiness. We do not evade our feelings, but accept them and dare to make decisions that support them. We act in a more upright and courageous way.

Now, we know that it is not always easy to act according to our emotions. Life is a complex labyrinth in which, in turn, we have to deal with more people, with more situations. But it is worth bearing in mind and developing genuine and sincere personal responsibility whenever we can.

To achieve this, we are going to teach you a little strategy. It is very simple. It is based simply on exposing in a few lines the problems you have right now, placing next to it a “I can’t” and a “I don’t want to.” Once done ask yourself how those words make you feel and if they really define what you feel. We give you an example.

“I don’t love my partner anymore, but I can’t leave her. I don’t dare ”———-“ I don’t want to leave my partner ”(Is this true?)

“ I can’t fly by plane, I’m scared” ———————– “ I don’t want to fly by plane” (Is this true?).

“My coworker annoys me. But I can’t tell you ——- ” I don’t want to tell you” (Is this true?)

“ I ca n’t face my emotions” ———————— “ I do n’t want to face my emotions (Is this true)