Can You Be Totally Honest With Your Partner?

If we are going to be really frank, let’s start by saying that on the subject of sincerity there are many contradictions. This is especially true when it comes to being honest with your partner. In theory, this is one of the great virtues of a relationship. In practice, full sincerity sometimes causes stings and wounds that are hardly forgiven.

Let us also start from the fact that no one can be absolutely sincere at all times in his life. There are many little lies that are told with the aim of making the other feel good.

That the dress fits her excellent, when you hardly notice the difference with any other suit, but you realize that she feels insecure. Or that the blunder wasn’t that big, when deep down you know that he made a monumental mistake. They are what we call white or white lies.

But what happens when more transcendental issues such as fidelity, intensity of love or satiety are involved? In those cases, can you be totally honest with your partner? In fact, is it worth being honest?

Being honest with your partner is not always a good idea

The Wall Street Journal published a report in which Dr. Marianne Dainton reflects on this. This psychologist, an expert in couples therapy, has thoroughly analyzed the issue of being honest with the couple and came to the conclusion that it is not always a good idea.

What most people look for in their partner is not really sincerity, but affection, acceptance , motivation. For this reason, truths that hurt the ego, that put into question the quality of affection or the evaluations that the other makes of the couple are not usually well received.

In the opinion of Dr. Dainton, all the truths that can lead to a fight are not worth it. Being honest with your partner has its limits. Many times, lies and omissions fulfill the function of protecting the other and are not necessarily a way of manipulating or disrespecting them.

Demystifying the lies

We not only tell lies to others, but many times we also tell ourselves. And we believe them. In reality, much of the world we live in is made up of fantasies , misinterpretations, or falsehoods. We half know our own truths and those of the world.

Lies, falsehoods, self-deception, illusions, misunderstandings, and all the like are more frequent realities than truths. Even science itself still owes many truths to itself. History has not given us all the truths about what happened in the world in the past, either.

Despite all this, the word lies still has a very strong moral charge. It is generalized. The purpose and effect of lies is not always the same, nor are the purposes and effects of what we call truth the same. Sometimes being overly outspoken is also a way to destroy.

Less moral and more pragmatic

The psychologist Esteban Cañamares said in an interview with the newspaper El Confidencial, from Spain, that: ” Lies are positive as long as they avoid unnecessary friction and conflicts and as long as they do not harm or serve to take advantage of the other person. ” It is a very focused and realistic opinion, which has great validity.

There are issues about which it is necessary to be completely honest in the couple. If love is over, say so, even if it hurts the other person. If you have a physical or mental illness, it is also necessary to communicate it, since this will affect the couple in one way or another. It is also not good to lie about financial or family matters.

In the same way, we must learn to reasonably value the lies that the couple may tell us. Being caught in some inaccurate information does not mean that it is no longer possible to trust him or her. In human affairs, the intention counts as much as the act itself. That factor must always be valued.

Lies distance or hurt when they imply selfishness or thoughtlessness. Also when they are interpreted with an excess of moralism or suspicion. It takes maturity to accept the truths. The first one is that we are human and we do not always do what is socially defined as “correct”.