Transactional Mindset: When You Expect To Receive What You Give

The transactional mindset is one that views relationships as someone who does business. Everything invested is expected to generate returns and offer its comparable returns in a given time. However, as we well know, in the world of human relationships this formula does not always work

Friendships, affective relationships and even family members do not follow that balanced equation of “I give so much, I get so much. ” This is something we learn over time, and whoever does not accept it will be condemned to head butt against the wall of frustration.

Does this mean that in our social and emotional ties we should not expect anything from others? Absolutely. The truth is that we deserve a lot from others. What the people who are part of our life must offer us is affection, trust, recognition, support, well-being …

Understanding relationships as commercial businesses in which every act, gesture or favor must be returned in an equitable way is a useless form of suffering.

Transactional mentality, so much I give so much I must receive

Let’s not fool ourselves. Each of us hides certain touches of transactional mentality. We want and hope that all our good deeds and efforts will be recognized and also rewarded.

If you ask for a permit at work today to take that friend to the airport, you hope that tomorrow he will do something similar for you. Likewise, if every day you spend considerable time caring for that brother who is in the hospital, you hope that this gesture will be valued and returned in some way.

However, we often discover with haste and dismay that many efforts go unheeded. In life, we become aware that not everyone takes our gestures into account and that what is invested does not offer us excessive returns at the end of the year. Faced with this internal panorama of disappointments and disappointments, there is only one option: change the approach.

The transactional mind or the equalizing personality

This term is interesting and worth keeping in mind: equalizing personality. What do we mean by it? It’s easy to understand. The moment we become obsessed with that millimeter reciprocity of “I give so much, I must receive so much”, it doesn’t take long for a curious phenomenon to appear.

When those people who hope to obtain the same investment discover that this does not happen, they start the opposite way: “if you don’t give me, I will take you away.” The equalizing personality does not hesitate to give as well as to take based on how others behave with it.

What are the consequences of this psychosocial approach? Many will think that it is fair. Why be considerate of someone who is unable to return favors? Well , making use of this perspective on a continuous basis generates a progressive wear and tear when conceiving relationships as commercial relationships.

Reciprocity is not equal to universal justice

The truth is that it is very easy to fall into the trap of the transactional mentality and the discomfort that this entails. This is because we often reinforce a misconception of what reciprocity is.

Research works such as those carried out at Ohio State University indicate that prosocial behavior is paradoxical and that reciprocity is expressed in many ways. However, we cannot conceive of it through a transactional mindset.

Relationships cannot be based on a kind of social justice in which we focus only on what we receive from others in an equitable way. There are many ways that ours convey their affection and appreciation.

That brother may not call you as many times as you call him. However, he is always there when you need him. That friend may not have returned the favor you did him a month ago, but despite this he cares about you every day and is someone you can trust …

This is how transactional minded people are: favor collectors

We have noted earlier that we all harbor some nuances of this feature in a way. However, there are many who show a very obsessive transactional mentality.

They are people with great deficiencies who end up becoming as demanding as they are demanding. They measure every gesture and effort they make for others (and that no one has asked of them) in a millimetric way to demand the return later.

If they do not receive what they expect, they accuse, criticize and manipulate. They do not hesitate to victimize themselves, to reproach the irreproachable and to make others feel guilty. They are those family and friends who scold us that of “with everything I do for you and so you give it back to me.” We all know someone with this profile and we know the impact it can have …

Act according to your values, offer what your heart dictates and you will be happy

It is true that happy and meaningful relationships are based on reciprocity. However, be careful. It is not a transactional reciprocity of ” so many days, so much you must receive .” The most satisfying reciprocity is one that works from the heart.

“I give you because that is how I want it, because that is how I am. I offer you when I feel it, want and need it, with freedom and sincerity, without pressure ”. Likewise, let us keep one aspect in mind: generosity, altruism, giving because we want it without obsessing over it being returned to us, they revert to well-being and happiness.