Accepting Is Not Waving A Flag And Giving Up

When you accept a situation that has gone wrong and that has not developed as you had anticipated, it does not mean giving up. On many occasions, you may feel that you lower your head and that you abandon yourself to those circumstances that you do not like, before which you cannot do anything. However, far from what you think, on many occasions you are also far from submitting.

The fact that you see acceptance in this way is nothing more than a belief that you have to rethink. Well, like many others, it can make you fall into mistakes that prevent you from facing the circumstances in the most appropriate way. Today we will help you to break down this belief so that you can see acceptance with different eyes and forget about giving up.

Radical acceptance

The concept of radical acceptance was developed by Marsha M. Linehan, but made known by Tara Branch, both psychologists. A concept that has its roots in Buddhist philosophy and that urges us to abandon all expectations, the result of beliefs, that lead us to suffer in vain. Therefore, we have to surrender and stop resisting what is impossible to change (or what is possible to change: a change that begins with the acceptance of the problem itself and not with its denial).

But, let’s not confuse surrender with victimhood. Let us not accept this relationship as logical, so that such acceptance leads us to take refuge in complaints. Radical acceptance has to appreciate what happens from a different perspective, in which everything is happening in a certain way that we cannot change, but before which we do have the ability to decide our reaction.

Imagine that you lose your job. You have some savings and you are also going to collect unemployment. However, you refuse to accept reality. You are angry and sad at the same time about this situation. You have been kicked out of your comfort zone and now you find yourself lost and hopeless.

Accepting this situation without complaining, without getting depressed and as an opportunity does not seem to be the natural tendency, at least for many. It is not well seen either: others might think that “ah, he didn’t care so much about work”, “with that attitude it is normal that they would kick him out”… Different phrases that only motivate the complaint and the victimizing attitude, making it easier for us to finish being ships adrift.

So what would you do if you accepted it radically? You get fired, you feel all those emotions, you allow yourself to express them and then you stop. You stop to see the situation and say “okay, this is what happened, I can’t change it, how do I manage this situation?” . There are multiple ways not to give up.

You can take the opportunity to take courses and learn new knowledge that will serve you in the future, you can look for another new job and take this opportunity as an experience to grow in the workplace … You can take a thousand and one actions instead of sitting down and giving up , regretting you. The circumstances are what they are, but you can decide which way to go. They have given you the cards to play with, now you are the one who has to figure them out to win the game.

Refusing to accept reality is exhausting

If changing your strategy or taking a pause before continuing to insist seems negative to you, the denial of reality is even more so (except as a defense strategy against a very strong emotional impact. For example, the loss of a loved one). This is an attitude that is really exhausting, that is harmful and that causes you to trip over and over again on the same stone: stubbornly and without the slightest intention of learning.

It is true that reality sometimes hurts a lot. However, refusing to accept it or giving up will only transform your pain into suffering. Your complaints will not be heard, all those “why me” will not have an answer. Things happen because yes, there has to be no apparent reason. But, you have the last word, the power to decide where to go.

You are not a victim, unless you want to believe it. In this case, you will feed ruminant and ruminated thoughts and plunge into a loop full of negativity. We are talking about a tunnel with two undesirable exits: depression and anxiety. You may think that you have merit because you have chosen the most complicated option, but remember that the path that demands the most effort from us does not have to be the best for us.

So start accepting situations as the starting point to change them. Taking them as opportunities to decide a new path and to learn from all of them. Escaping will never pay off and you refuse to assume what happens much less. Accepting them, on the other hand, far from condemning yourself, is only the first step to winning.