Expectations In Relationships, Are They Useful?

At times, the issue of expectations in relationships has been treated as something negative that, in the long term, ends up wiping out everything.

However, not having them can cause us to lose interest because we do not really consider anything in the long term with that person or we do not know very well what we want from that relationship.

Expectations in couple relationships can be of the type:

• What will my life be like with this person?
• Will you love me forever?
• What goals will we have together?
• We will have children?
• Will you be faithful to me?

If we think about the studies we have done or the work we do, even where we are living, we will realize that expectations influence how we do, think or feel. They are nothing more than the faith that a possibility ends up becoming reality.

For this to bear fruit, we need to take action. If we have the expectation of ending up working as a teacher, we must train ourselves in this regard and take small steps. Otherwise, it will turn into a chimera.

But what happens when we enter the world of relationships? Are the expectations we may have useful? Are they a push or a brake?

The “bad” expectations in relationships

Expectations in relationships are necessary. However, it is important to  differentiate between those expectations that are real and those that are only the result of a romantic daydream.

The same can happen in other areas. For example, recovering the aforementioned about being a teacher, in the case of not training and staying still, in the end our expectation will be left only in an unrealizable and, possibly, frustrated desire.

The problem in relationships is that sometimes we deceive ourselves. This happens, above all, in the infatuation phase, in the first moments of the relationship. When we only see the beautiful aspects of the other person and think of an idyllic future, without making a realistic analysis of the other person’s profile and their circumstances.

Also, in our mind we have an ideal of what we expect from a relationship. As a result of this, sometimes, we hope that this ideal is fulfilled. It does not matter whether or not the other person has the requirements to be by our side. There is always the fantasy that we can change it.

These types of expectations in relationships are not based on anything real. Only in ideas that we have and that can be full of phrases that affirm “love can do everything”, “if he really loves me he will make the effort to change”, “with time I will change him.”

The usefulness of expectations in couple relationships

If we choose to suppress all expectations, it is very likely that we will not form relationships. Without expectations the horizon line is blurred, there is no relationship to build.

Therefore, expectations in relationships are useful as long as they do not play against one’s partner, while at the same time forming part of communication.

We can have the expectation of having a child (whether this ends up happening or not). Ideally, our partner also wants because, otherwise, that he changes his mind is a possibility, but not a fact. That moment may not come, perhaps giving way to resentment and disappointment.

On the other hand, expectations in relationships motivate us to build a life together. Therefore, the ideal is that the person we are with has similar expectations (What does he expect from you, from your life together and from your relationship?).

If not, the relationship will most likely not come to fruition. At this point, it is also important to differentiate between those expectations that have deep roots in our state of mind.

Final thoughts on expectations in relationships

A good management of expectations will constitute a good pillar for our emotional state and for the relationship itself . For example, what do we want from the relationship, how do we want to live, where … Also, it is not good to try to impose them on the other person if they do not share them with us.

In addition, we can do a work of self-knowledge to differentiate between those expectations that we want to be fulfilled in our relationship -which are practically conditions of continuity- from those that are dispensable. Only then can we build healthy relationships.