Ten Communication Errors Between Parents And Children

Talking to our children can become a tough battle, especially if they are teenagers. This leaves many parents frustrated at not being able to communicate with their children, leading to reactions of all kinds. But the solution is not to get angry, force the children to tell us their things, punish them or limit them in some way. You need to learn to communicate with them. To do this, it is important to begin by avoiding several very common communication errors that hinder the relationship and rapprochement, and that make children close in on their parents.

A clue to try to understand it better and solve it: Put yourself in your child’s shoes and remember the relationship with your parents when you were his age.

Communication errors that distance us from our children

1 # – Minimize the impact that certain situations have on children

In general, we adults tend to consider our problems more important than those of young people by appearing superficial and mundane with respect to the worries and complications of adult life. Not giving importance to the problems of our children or not sharing with them the excitement of things as simple as dinner or the end of year dance takes us away from them.

2 # – Do not support your children when they have a problem with another and defend the opposite

Adolescents argue with each other, with their siblings, with their teachers, with other relatives … It seems that they are angry with the world. And on many occasions they are not right, and for adults it is very clear. But the solution is not to justify “the opposite”, the one with whom the adolescent has a problem. This only aggravates young people’s “the world is against me” feeling and their frustration. So, what to do? Nothing, just actively listening, showing interest and promising to help you find a solution.

3 # – Respond with sarcasm

Humor and gentle teasing are good for healthy relationships, but sarcasm is hurtful. If a parent-teen relationship is already strained, using sarcasm just makes things even more complicated. Therefore, it is essential to avoid sarcastic responses. Sarcasm is a lack of respect and a show of domination and contempt for the other. Speak naturally, without anger and with affection. Nobody said it was easy.

4 # – Invalidate the adolescent’s feelings

Teens are often very dramatic, and their emotional responses often make no sense to adults. Comments like “you shouldn’t be so upset”, or “it doesn’t make sense to be angry about that nonsense” only make children not avoid sharing their feelings with their parents. It is essential to get closer to their position and validate their feelings, listen to them and empathize with them in order to help them overcome what happens to them. They are the ones who suffer, so whether we understand it or not, we must understand them.

5 # – Focus the conversation on us as parents

In a discussion or conversation with a teenager, focusing the discussion on ourselves as parents is not helpful and is counterproductive. Sermons based on one’s own life experience or the comparison of what adults went through when we were teenagers does not matter to our children, at least not in that moment of heat, sadness or emotion. Once again, it is necessary to empathize and put ourselves in the adolescent’s shoes.

6 # – Judging without knowing the adolescent’s version

It is easy to judge or prejudge an attitude or action of adolescents and consider that what we have heard is true and reprimand or show disapproval. But doing without giving our child a chance to explain will only isolate him further and make it harder for him to listen to us. It is essential to know his version and, much more, to let him express himself, to release his emotions and the possible anger that the situation has generated. This will allow us to help you to approach the situation in a different way, but without imposing yourself with phrases such as “you have to do …” or “you should have …”, replacing them with other more conciliatory ones, such as “I wonder what would have happened if in instead of doing this you would have done the other thing “, or” maybe talking to … about … can make things easier “, for example

7 # – Being horrified by certain adolescent attitudes

Teenagers do outlandish things a lot, things that elicit adult reaction. Why do they do it? To get attention and show that they have some power. The more they horrify and provoke the more interest they feel in doing it. Instead of reacting abruptly, it is better to respond calmly. Being shocked and horrified only fuels their interest. Whether it is putting green hair, tattooing a skull on the nape of the neck, or putting a piercing in the most unexpected place on your body, or studying the strangest and “dead-end” career in the world, the important thing is to talk to them calmly. and, once again, with empathy.

8 # – Solving an adolescent problem without counting on him

Seeing a child suffer from a problem is hard, but solving it as parents is not a solution. They are the ones who have to learn to deal with their own difficulties. Solving the problem for them will make you feel worthless and may even put you in a difficult situation with your peers. Instead, we must let our children tell us about their problems and try to give them guidelines to solve them without imposing anything. If we solve your problem if you asked us, you will not tell us anything again and then we will no longer be able to help you.

9 # – Blaming children for problems

Telling our children that they are the culprits of something that has happened to them or of a complicated family situation only complicates things more, especially at the beginning of the conversation. Although it is important to help our children understand responsibility for their behavior, blaming them for the conversation will not advance any further.

10 # – Does not support the great ideas of our children

Teens often have great ideas, although they are usually not very realistic, or so it seems to parents. Although it is important to avoid encouraging children to live in a fantasy world, there are some things that can be done to support children’s big ideas. Being curious about what they say is one of them. By asking about it, we stimulate reflection and become part of their world.