The Unbearable Pressure That Exists On Motherhood

From childhood we are educated from many traditions and models, but very often, from childhood , the value of motherhood is instilled in us. Various gender roles are associated and this is how we see more girls playing with dolls than boys.

It can be a children’s desire and also a parents’ predisposition to buy them according to what type of toys each one of them has. On the other hand, we observed girls who could practically still consider themselves babies as babysitters in their games.

This is stimulating and fun, there is no problem with it, but play could also be encouraged with other types of toys that develop their most manipulative or creative part. Everyone who has ever cared for children sees that they “entertain themselves with everything”, so if that everything is as varied as possible, it is the best we can do.

Therefore, girls grow up with the idea that one day they will have to be mothers, that they will assume that role. With the arrival of puberty and the physical changes for adolescent girls, it will become clear that your body is ready for it.

There are many years of adolescence and youth left and depending on the context in which you move, you may feel that pressure more or less, but they could not be considered “very critical” years with respect to the pressure that society exerts on women.

In the late twenties and early thirties is when this issue begins to be more and more present in the lives of all of them. Some live it normally and it does not affect them because they are clear about when they would like it and how, others nevertheless doubt whether it is time because everyone is doing it: the pressure is served.

Motherhood is another part of a woman’s life, not the only one

This concept, which a priori is easy to understand, becomes much more difficult when we get closer to reality. Why is this happening? Well, because in reality, there is a relative “social halo” that judges women whatever their decision.

Motherhood is often associated with generosity and little or no desire to be so with selfishness. Personal circumstances of each of the women who are making decisions regarding this issue are not taken into account as time passes.

We are all made of stories and we do not all want the same things in life depending on our circumstances. Some authors like the philosopher Elisabeth Badinter in “The woman and the mother”, expose that the maternal instinct is not so instinct, it is not something that appears primitively as the need to eat or sleep.

The maternal instinct is the affiliation with a person, the desire to create a home or also the same social pressure we are talking about, which makes a woman feel or not the desire to be a mother.

Being a mother is an overwhelmingly wonderful experience, but also one of extreme responsibility. If you embark on that exciting experience you should, how much less, do it when you are safe and not because you feel that others are imposing it on you.

Unfortunately, another group of parents may face health complications for their little ones, and all of this makes the process a bit more difficult. Although it is these parents who tend to get the most courage to fight to improve their child’s situation as much as possible.

In other words, in short: Motherhood is not rosy and requires a commitment for life. It is not a question of scaring anyone but quite the opposite, expressing that in order for it to go well we are going to try to be as safe as possible so that this commitment is real.

The importance of not pressing with motherhood

The pressure that new mothers face has nothing to do with the pressure faced by women who have decided not to have children, either because they don’t want to or because they can’t. The former will feel the pressure of motherhood itself and the latter the pressure and social questioning.

You have to have empathy, respect privacy and avoid questions that can be hurtful if they are placed on a person who may be vulnerable regarding this issue.

Perhaps she simply does not want to have children because she has just achieved her professional dream and also has family stories that have made her feel that this experience of starting a family is not for her, and she is being responsible in assuming it.

She may have been through a few pregnancies that didn’t end as she hoped for, and she’s exhausted from talking about it. Perhaps you have had a medical problem and you do not know if you will be able to conceive, and adoption, another wonderful way to be a mother, is considering in the long term.

Being such an intimate and personal subject, subject to personal and environmental variables, we are going to try to understand each other instead of making judgments. At the end of the day, it is not an obligation for anyone to have them as not to have them.

The important thing is that women feel at peace and really committed to their decision,  since a child requires a conscience of responsibility and that the new generation of children come to an environment of warmth, protection and love.