The Phenomenon Of The Butterfly In Flame, What Does It Consist Of?

At times we may feel unable to get out of situations that cause us suffering, no matter how much the burden that they cause us motivates us to get out of them. In this context, it is relatively easy to fall into dependency. This is how we approach the burning butterfly phenomenon.

In the scenario of dependency, abandonment is presented as one of our deepest and most conditioning fears. Because of this fear, we become able to put ourselves aside, feeding situations that turn out to be toxic. However, in most cases this fear is present in the phenomenon of the flame butterfly.

But what is it about? What to do to avoid falling into this phenomenon? What are the benefits of recognizing it? Let’s start looking for answers with an inspiring phrase:

The phenomenon of the butterfly in flame, what is it about?

As suggested by the psychologist and writer David Solá, when we talk about this phenomenon we refer to those zigzagging behaviors that lead people to return to situations that cause them suffering. The return is usually to past relationships.

So, we are talking about a phenomenon in which the person repeatedly returns to his past relationship, which causes him more and more suffering, after the rejection that is repeated.

To be more specific, think of that person who does whatever it takes to regain the relationship with his ex-partner. He sends him messages, makes calls, buys him gifts … well, he does whatever he thinks is necessary so that this person does not abandon him.

But why is it called the flame butterfly phenomenon? It is because the butterfly can be strongly attracted to the light of the flame, but the closer it gets, the more suffering it can cause. A suffering that does not prevent the flame from being a tempting stimulus.

A probable consequence of this phenomenon is the destruction of self-esteem: it is one of the first tissues that the flame begins to burn .. Furthermore, it leads to a lack of emotional control and loss of sense of reality.

What to do to avoid falling into this phenomenon?

We show you some strategies to deal with the burning butterfly phenomenon. Let’s see:

• Self-knowledge. Knowing ourselves will help us to recognize these behaviors, to understand why they can be tempting despite harming us and will finally be the starting point to eliminate them from our repertoire of actions.

• Esteem. If we recognize our value, it is easier for us not to exceed those limits that safeguard our dignity.
• Goodbye to idealization! Sometimes we see the other person as a perfect being, we see them better than they really are. This helps us to want to maintain the relationship with the other even if the price to pay is high.
• Loneliness is not bad. It depends on the perspective with which you take it. Take advantage of your moments of solitude to think of yourself and do the activities that you like the most!
• End self-deception. That is, be aware and sincere.
• Comprehensive look. Try to have a clearer perspective of the situation, putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes.

Remember that everyone has the right to be with whoever they want. Respecting yourself involves respecting precisely this desire of the other, even when that desire is to get away from you.

Benefits of Recognizing the Flame Butterfly Phenomenon

By recognizing the phenomenon of the butterfly in flame, in case of suffering it, we will enjoy the following advantages:

• Let our life flow.
• Rebuild ourselves emotionally.
• Recognize what our limits are and those of the other person.
• Try to free ourselves through forgiveness.
• Work on empathy.
• Begin to find meaning in our lives.

In addition, in his book From emotional chaos to inner liberation , David Solá, shows us the importance of working within ourselves to recognize this phenomenon, and once done, build a new course through forging healthier relationships that lead us to have a better quality of life.

The phenomenon of the butterfly in flame can sometimes catch us, being in our hands to escape its nets. In turn, self-esteem, dedication, limits and self-knowledge will act as protective elements against this threat.