Good Conversations Make Us Happy

Good conversations build safe spaces. They are emotional havens where you can exchange enriching information, build trust and relieve stress through positive reinforcement. What’s more, we even know that biologically these conversations with known or unknown people act in our brain as a powerful reward and well-being system.

A dynamic, stimulating and productive chat between two or more people acts as a true alchemy for neural mechanisms. We hardly realize it, however, with each information received, the empathy engine is turned on and the dopamine and serotonin circuits are activated to give us a pleasant feeling of well-being and motivation.

Most of us have experienced that wonderful injection of positive energy on numerous occasions. Thus, and although in our day to day we talk with multiple people about the most diverse things, in reality  gratifying dialogues do not occur as often.

Often times , chance makes us suddenly meet a stranger, someone with whom, after an exchange of words, coincidences, affinities and those good conversations that give rise to magical relationships emerge. The story goes, for example, that this is what happened to Henry James and Robert Louis Stevenson.

These two great writers met after the publication of Treasure Island . As a result of that first meeting, and despite the difference in characters between the two, their nationalities, lifestyle and writing, an indelible friendship began after that casual talk that continued for decades in an epistolary way and with encounters where their conversations reached until sunrise.

Good conversations and emotional connection

Surely, Henry James and R. L Stevenson, in addition to being authentic references in the world of literature, would also characterize what we know today as Conversational Intelligence . This term, introduced in the world of psychology only a few years ago by  Judith E. Glaser, speaks of a basic tool for our personal development.

In fact, if there is one thing that most of us know, it is that not everyone knows how to have good conversations. Truman Capote, for example, used to say that a conversation is above all a dialogue, never a monologue. That is why these types of talks tend to take place so infrequently, due to the shortage of intelligent people.

However, we should qualify this reflection somewhat. It is not a lack of intelligence that limits the quality of good dialogue, it is a lack of emotional competence. Hence, today the field of conversational intelligence is gaining more and more ground, because in it, dimensions as basic as empathy, social skills, good judgment, trust, integrity …

Talking is more than talking

Talking is more than a communicative process to exchange information. It is a more profound and enriching act. After all, dialogues, understood as that space where two or more individuals interact, is something that also occurs in the animal world.

• This data may seem surprising to us, but studies such as those carried out at the University of York in June 2018 show it to us. Animals such as crows, elephants or even fireflies, establish a communication system between their own individuals that is as fascinating as it is revealing.

• Now, in the case of people, we could say that good conversations are a higher step than mere communication processes.
• In another study carried out by doctors Alejandro Pérez, Manuel Carreiras and Jon Andoni Duñabeitia, it is explained to us that the rhythms of the brain waves between two people who participate in a conversation are synchronized. In the words of one of the researchers: it is a type of communion between our brains that goes beyond language and that constitutes a key factor in interpersonal relationships.

Good conversations make us happy

When we talk to someone only two things can happen: either we are comfortable or we are not. It does not matter if it is a known person or a stranger. We all have co-workers or family members that we never quite feel comfortable with while talking to them.

Other times, we suddenly start good conversations with someone we just met, someone with whom we experience affinity and who not only provides us with interesting information. In addition, they give us a sudden feeling of confidence and comfort. In these cases, that emotional universe opens up where the links of the highest interpersonal quality are erected.

Thus, and as far as possible, it would be recommended that we promote such situations. Works such as those published by Dr. Matthias Mehl, in specialized magazines such as Ps and Chological Science ,  remind us that empty, idle and forced talks generate tension and discomfort.

We must therefore be those social explorers who know how to generate good conversations, who have significant people with whom to plunge into an awake, exciting, comfortable and enriching dialogue. After all, that is where happiness resides, in those safe spaces where we can learn, understand and train affection.