6 Signs Of Unresolved Grief That You Should Know

The unresolved grief is embedded in one’s life like a cold iceberg. It freezes all progress and leaves us encapsulated in permanent suffering that, despite everything, sometimes allows us to be more or less functional. You go to work, do your homework, take care of the house, come and go, talk to some, talk to others … However, there is something that is wrong and that distorts existence.

The emptiness of someone who is no longer there is not easy to assume. Thus, and although we have been taught that the grieving process follows the classic phases of denial, anger, negotiation, depression and acceptance, the truth is that this does not always happen this way. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s theory of the 5 phases of grief are not universal and not all people go through them in this order.

Many are stuck, trapped in the early stages, in that denial that is accompanied by anger, camouflaged depression and constant anger. Few experiences are as delicate and hard as having to deal with the permanent absence of someone who should always be by our side …

Signs of Unresolved Grief

There is a type of pain that unites us all and for which no one is prepared. Death and suffering for whom we lose is a universal experience, but still each person lives it in a particular way. There are those who find it easier to vent what they feel and share it with others. On the other hand, there are those who make an effort to repress or deny that pain in order to try to return to normality as soon as possible.

At the end of the day, life is pressing, responsibilities urge us, the days go by and it is necessary to return to that strange daily life. However, those who try the hardest to hasten the duel — or avoid it — prolong it the longest. Without help, without support, these types of situations can lead to major depression or situations of isolation and loneliness. 

Research works such as those carried out at Columbia University warn that while it is true that most people end up accepting that loss and regaining interest to continue moving forward, there are exceptions. The unresolved grief does not know of stages, sometimes positive days are experienced and later the emotional numbness, apathy and even anger return.

Let us therefore look at those characteristics that define unresolved grief.

1. Denial and emotional anesthesia

The person does not finish accepting or understanding that loss. This refusal to accept what happened leads them to a kind of emotional anesthesia as they cannot express or vent emotions. It is difficult for them to cry, they cannot open up to those around them, it is impossible for them to talk about the deceased person …

2. Hypersensitivity

When so many conflicting and unaccepted feelings accumulate, it is common to develop hypersensitivity. Any unforeseen, any small problem is experienced in an oversized way. Everything surpasses them, everything becomes a mountain for them, they cannot make decisions or reflect calmly.

3. Somatization, the aching body

Muscle pain, continued tiredness, digestive disorders, insomnia, headaches … Unresolved grief almost always manifests itself in the form of somatization. It is common for these people to constantly go to the doctor before this physical discomfort, but without allowing themselves to accept that the origin of everything is found in the emotional pain not faced.

4. The future does not exist, lack of prospects

When the present is meaningless due to the lack of that loved one, the future has no presence. This is another recurring characteristic in unresolved grief, the lack of prospects, of hope, of being able to look forward to tomorrow. The person is limited to letting go, to become embedded in a meaningless daily life.

5. Unresolved grief and relational problems

Anyone who gets stuck in the early stages of grief lives with frustration, anger, and denial. It is very difficult to maintain a good relationship with the environment when one feels anger at that loss experienced. He lacks patience, he does not find motivations, he does not enjoy his partner, friends and even his children.

6. Mental and addiction disorders

Another problematic factor to unresolved grief is the development of major depressive disorder. Likewise, we cannot ignore the possible addiction to alcohol or other substances. P

On the other hand, eating disorders are also correlated with the loss of loved ones. They are undoubtedly situations of high psychological vulnerability.

How are these situations handled?

In the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) we do not find the diagnostic label for unresolved grief as such. Now, the characteristics mentioned here are part of what we know as “persistent complex grief disorder”. They are realities that affect an average of 5% of the population at some point.

If we ask ourselves what is the best way to deal with these situations, the answer is obvious: with psychological therapy. Studies such as those carried out at the University of San Diego (California) indicate that an approach based on the combination of cognitive-behavioral therapy with interpersonal therapy and prolonged exposure techniques is especially effective.

To conclude, although it is true that no one is prepared to deal with these types of circumstances, with support and closeness it is possible to go through these difficult experiences with greater integrity. Loss is never forgotten, but the pain lessens enough to restore hope for tomorrow.